You’re out for a night on the town, and you’re feeling great. Your confidence is up, your breath is minty fresh, and you’ve still got a little pump going from that workout you did a few hours ago. You spot your target over by the bar: a tall, slim, exotic beauty laughing it up with her equally hot friends. They are arranged with their backs to the bar and are facing out into the action (good sign, they’re open for approach).

You remind yourself again how great you feel and make your way over to Long-Legged Lane. You open with a funny line about them blocking your path to the bar. They all giggle, and that’s the last thing you remember. After that, everything happened so quickly, but you do remember that the tall, slim, exotic beauty gave you her number (nice work!).

The next day at home, you find the folded napkin in your pocket. Carmella. You can barely make out your half-nervous, half-excited handwriting. You dial the number…ring…ring…ring…”Hi, this is Carmella, I’m not around right now, so leave me a message after the beep.” Well, you heard the woman, she said, “leave me a message.”

“Uhh…hello…this is Bob…I met you last night at…um…that bar…I can’t think of the name of it…but, yeah, I was just calling to see if maybe you wanted to…uh…get together…ok…thanks, bye.” Wooo! That was intense, and you’re glad it’s over. Now, you sit back and wait for Carmella to call you back.

Next day. She still hasn’t called back. She must be busy, right? Probably hasn’t checked her voicemail yet. Day 3: Still nothing. But, she gave me her real number, so I know she likes me, and she’ll call back! Day 4, 5, 6: (crickets chirping)

We’ve all been in Bob’s position. What happened here? Why would a girl give us her phone number and then completely ignore our call(s)?

There are many common reasons why they torture you so, along with any number of other infinite possibilities. We’ll explore the top 4 below:

Ego: Yes, it’s true. Women have egos just like us. Sometimes, when she is feeling “unsexy” or “unloved”, a woman may give you her number just to boost her self-esteem. This simple act reminds her that men find her attractive and are actively pursuing her. It doesn’t mean she’s a bad person or an attention whore–necessarily. We all have days when we could use a little boost, and we succumb to our own egos.

Too Nice: Some women are just too nice. They think it’s so sweet and cute that you came over to them, they can’t shoot you down, even if they’re not attracted to you at all. So, she gives you her number, knowing that she has no intention of returning your calls. Again, not a terrible thing to do, given the alternative. Imagine being a beautiful woman who gets approached by dozens, if not hundreds, of guys per week. You’d probably find yourself doing the same thing.

You Called Too Soon: There’s all sorts of “scientific” rules on how long you should wait to call. Some say 2 days, some 3 days, some an entire week! The truth is the time varies depending on every situation. In Bob’s case, he just had a brief encounter with Carmella and probably didn’t spend more than 2-3 minutes with her and her friends. Therefore, there wasn’t much of a connection made, and Carmella may have thought he came on a little too strong/desperate by calling less than 12 hours later.

On the other hand, if you meet a woman for the first time, and you can really feel a great connection and spark between the two of you, she would probably love it if you called her the very next day. I know it’s confusing, but welcome to the wonderful world of women. The key is to assess each situation and woman. If it’s a casual meeting and you know she probably isn’t waiting by the phone for your call, then wait 2-3 days and play it cool. If you feel something special with a girl you just met and you think she does too, then call her the next day to put both of your minds at ease and set up the next meeting.

Voicemail Message - You may have done everything right: smooth and confident in the opener, charmed her and had her laughing, and waited 2-3 days to call. But, once you got the voicemail on the first call, you panicked. You stumbled through your message with “uh’s” and “um’s”, and you weren’t clear on when you wanted to get together or what you wanted to do. Now, the cool, confident guy she met the other night doesn’t seem as attractive. Remember, to put it in perspective: for women, confidence ranks about as high as boobs and butts do for us!

Whether you get the voicemail or her directly, be casual and assertive. Say, “Hey Carmella! It’s Bob, we met the other night at Mulligan’s. I’m going out Wednesday night to grab a drink, and I’d love it if you came along. My number is 555-5555. Talk to you soon!” (You’re free to use this word-for-word, but don’t get nervous and actually say “555-5555″. Insert your own number please.)

Also, if you made a joke or any kind of funny remark that she laughed at when you first met, bring that up in the message in a humorous way. This will remind her why she gave you her number in the first place: you made her laugh and seem like a fun guy to be around (translation: you’re getting a callback!).

The most important thing to remember is, “Never get hung up (pun intended) on one girl you just met!” If you’ve ruled out the most common reasons for her not calling back and followed all the advice above, just move on. There’s literally an infinite number of nuances and possibilities as to why you’re calls are falling on deaf ears. It’s OK. It’s happened to even the smoothest of players, and it’s part of dating.

Now, get out there, get some more numbers, and get some more callbacks! They say, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t shoot.” Well, “100% of the women you DON’T call will never call you back!”

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At times, we may find ourselves getting caught up in situations that are beyond our control. This is particularly true for relationships. Are you presently caught in a relationship that is only bringing you pain and heartache? Maybe it is only a struggle from time to time. Despite the frequency, what is the negative impact this is having on you? Are you giving away your self respect to have a relationship? If so, this is a high price indeed.

I’m bringing up this point because “dysfunctional relationships” is a common topic of conversation that just about every couple has experienced at one time or another. When relating the details of the relationship, they may say things like “Deep down, he’s a really sweet man” or “If you only knew the real him” or “She just needs someone who cares and finally “You just don’t understand.”

This may be true. Other people may not understand your perspective of the situation. They may only have the advice for you to simply “Get Out!” This advice usually falls on deaf ears because on some level, the people defending the dysfunctional relationship care for the other person.

Are you spending hours reading books and talking to friends in an effort to understand why your partner does the things they do? What conclusions have you reached? Do you still find yourself getting stuck?

Let me ask you another question, what are your instincts telling you to do? A lot of times we know what we “should” do but we are afraid of or don’t like the answers.

In the heat of an argument and in the initial cooling down phase, your instincts may not be at its best. Once past these emotionally charged times, your instincts will be much clearer. What are they repeatedly telling you? As a Christian, I believe this instinct is more of an inner voice of God within us. I find a great deal of comfort in this because I know I can trust in my spirituality. No matter how you look at your decision-making abilities, you need to learn how to trust and believe in yourself. Understanding is helpful and can be useful in initiating change. However, understanding does not ensure that change will occur.

Because you cannot change other people, I encourage you to focus on changing yourself. Try to get your own life in order. Strive to understand your own needs and feelings. This will be a lot easier to understand than the approach of trying to figure out someone else.

Mark Webb is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™. Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies” Ezine ($100 Value). Just visit his website at powerfulrelationshipadvice.com powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or therelationshipspecialist.com therelationshipspecialist.com

If emotional blocks to meeting single women are too strong for self-help, don’t be afraid to try psychotherapy or tranquilizers! Also, if you are suffering from depression, seek help from your doctor who can prescribe you some really good antidepressant drugs to help you fight and overcome feelings of depression.

Some of you single men who read our dating tips archive may be so shy, inhibited, and psychologically blocked that you will be unable to truly profit from the advice contained in our archive or our books, cassettes, and videos on meeting, attracting, dating, and seducing single women. I beseech you not to come to any such conclusion until you until you have first made a strong, persistent effort to practice the methods and techniques in our dating tips and advice in our products. Remember that the overwhelming majority of single men who read our tips, books, listen to our tapes, and watch our videos will be able to use this advice effectively to meet, date, attract, and seduce single women without outside professional help.

But if you have powerful blocks, can not bear to start a conversation with a woman, or face the company of a date, no matter how hard you try, then you probably need psychotherapeutic help.

Get in touch with the nearest mental hygiene clinic, or ask your family physician to recommend a good psychiatrist or psychologist. Your physician may also prescribe one of the many, very effective tranquilizers, not as a cure-all but to help reduce your anxiety, embarrassment and fear sufficiently for you to begin going out, meeting single women, talking to them, and developing promising relationships.

This article written by Don Diebel (Americas #1 Singles
Expert). If you would like more free dating tips on how to
successfully meet, date, attract, and become intimate with
women, please visit his website at: getgirls.com getgirls.com.